Livlaflove08 on Xanga

I miss my friend

I miss my friend.. we never get to see each other anymore. I try and try and try to hang out but its always something.. there is always a reason. I only have a little while until I won't be here anymore and then i'll be like 800 miles away.. I need to take advantage of the time I have and I miss my friend. :(

Im lost

I am lost. I don't know what to do. I'm losing my friends as I speak. I don't really have that many friends to lose. Everyone is making me feel guilty for hanging out with Scott so much.. wtf. idk what to do anymore.. no matter where I go I'm getting bitched at for one thing or another. Its either my mom or nick or my friends or my boss. I can't take it much longer.. I'm eating and gaining weight like crazy because I am so stressed out. I never get to hang out with my boyfriend unless its after 10 and into all hours of the morning.. I SLEEP!!.. I see him all the time and yet I miss him. I miss my friends. I miss ME !!! I'm being pulled in so many different directions how in the world am I going to be able to focus on school

Scared

Scott... I love him.. i think.. do i? yes no i dunno. I havent really gotten to spend time with him in a week. I know that isn't a long time but I'm usually over there 3 day a week at least. I have this feeling like I just want to sit with him and i want him to hold me.. I just had a bad day I just want him to be there and All i keep thinking is .. hey baby I love you .. or goodnight I love you.. or just i love you scott. But Im scared to love him.. im scared of whats next.. its always the same .. you say I love you then it eventually ends.. its like I love you is the inevitable beginning of the end. or at least thats what it always seems like. What if i say it then i get so attached to him that i lose myself again?!!

I love when he grins at me and when he tells me Im beautiful and when he says I love you and then realizes it and says oops. I love that he is comfortable enough with himself to wear that stupid hair do.. honestly i just want to cry .. i just want to lay in his arms and cry and be scared ... im so scared.

ugh

ok so i have been thinking about this guy all day.. scott he is really sweet.. but once again this was an intoxicated makeout session.. and I work with him.. I just want to kiss him.. he told me I was cute.. I have been wondering if my next boyfriend will just be some kind of rebound or maybe i just like to have someone either way the reasoning for me to want a boyfriend isn't quite right... I know he likes me pretty much everyone does .. because they have told me I guess I took advantage of that but I didn't do anything wrong right.. Fuck! I hate feeling desperate.. just when i start to feel good about myself and start to accept that Im ok by myself and that i can be happy I go and make out with scott. why did i do that? I just want someone funny and easy to be around.. he is both... not just a friend.. something more.. could this be why i dont want to sleep.. why do i fall for people so easily..

Livlaflove08

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